helpless
by SibunAmber
Summary: yea this was my experience only not. Its similar but lengthened and such. To understand what im talking about read the very end of my bio


Helpless she lies across the stairs  
Haunting your days, consuming your prayers.  
There will be healing but don't force this girl to stand  
As she's counting the ceilings with pale voice and trembling hands

Annabeth sat looking up at the aging ceiling of the old hospital. She smiled as she counted the boards making up the thin roof. The nurses behind her whispered and pointed  
"PTSD I heard."  
" it's a shame, she such a pretty thing. Bless her soul."  
" it's PTSD. Apparently her mother shoved her and her fiancé into a very deep hole for nearly six months. They're lucky to be breathing."  
" poor thing, what kind of mother could do that do a child?"  
"I don't know but she isn't going to get much better. From what I heard nothing will change."  
" bless her heart."  
But annabeth didn't care. She continued to count out loud with a fragile voice her pale fingers pointing at each board one by one.  
One, two, three

You told me life was long but now that it's gone  
You find yourself on top as the leader of the flock  
Called to be a rock for those below

I looked around at my new inmates. Whoops sorry, fellow patients. I didn't want to be here. I didn't need to be here. I was only seeing and hearing things. There was no need to be sent to a mental hospital. Sorry, psychiatric ward. Whatever. I missed madi and jade already. And josh. Oh josh.  
I looked around the room at all the girls there. One group was at each table save one where a girl sat alone looking up at the other occasionally.  
" if you have been here more than 1 week you can line up unless you're Annabeth. Callie and Annabeth your food will be here in a minute." The girl in the corner looked at the nurse then back at the paper on the table. As the others got up to go to the cafeteria for dinner I found an empty table and sat. I looked down at my curls and played with one of them. I heard footsteps and looked up to see the girl, Annabeth, standing beside me. She looked down on me and spoke with a fragile rushed voice.  
" you can sit with me. If you want."  
I smiled at her and walked over to her table, Annabeth in toe.  
" so" she said her voice gaining more confidence as she spoke" if you don't mind me asking, why are you here?"  
" just hearing and seeing things. You?" I response cautiously. I hoped she would care that I asked her. She seemed very scared, peering over her shoulder every once in a while and then looking down at her ankle.  
" PTSD. My mother pushed me and my fiancé into a hole about 100 feet deep."  
"I'm sorry. You're engaged?" She nodded and for the first time since I'd known her, the short time I'd known her, she smiled.  
" yep. He's here too. Over in the guys ward." She smiled to herself.  
" so what's he like?"  
" he's amazing. He is sweet and strong and super attractive." She giggled" he loves me like I love him" I smile for her. You could just see we face light up when she talked about him.  
" Annabeth, Callie time for dinner."

Whispered notes from the piano in the corner of the room  
Hold your throat is that healing that you're hearing in her tune  
Wanting change but loving her just as she lies  
Is the burden of a man who's built his life on love

Percy's hands glided over the keys effortlessly. He played a complicated tune taught to him by John, a bipolar schizophrenic from the hospital before rtc. He smiled to himself and looked over at Annabeth, his fiancé. She smiled at him.  
" music will help us both. We will both get better"  
I loved her even as she lied to me. We both knew we would never be better.

You told me life was long but now that it's gone  
You find yourself on top as the leader of the flock a  
Called to be a rock for those below

I miss my home. I won't be back for a long time. I hate rtc, it's awful. They have us going to group therapy three times a day and one on one therapy twice. We sit around a lot of the time. I've read three books just this week. Another two years in this hell. I miss my home.

I'll be locked up and stored  
In the lavender ward  
'Cause my mind is just like hers  
Just as broken just as crippled just as burned

I'm just like Annabeth. I'm never getting out. It's been 4 years. I missed turning 16. Im going to die here. I can't bear that. The uncertainty of my own life. I have no choice now. Its either I get better or I don't. There is no in between. I'm going to die here, No chance at getting married, having children, and going to England, having my own home. I'm going to be stuck in this hell hole forever. I swear I will aunt these doctors when I'm gone. I'm not insane. The voices stopped. So why do they keep me here?

I haven't had a delusion in two years and I tell them that but they don't care. They only want money. I miss my home, that's all I want, to go home. To see my dog and family and josh and cinnamon. I miss them all so very much.

And then I find myself on top as the leader of the flock  
Called to be a rock for those below

I'm leaving now. As my mom grabs my bag from my hand I smile at the sunlight. I haven't been free in 6 years. I'm 19 now. They were supposed to let me leave a year ago, on my 18h birthday but god forbid that happen. I didn't care now. I was free.


End file.
